Tuesday, January 29, 2013


                                                                                                       r
the w orld is sh u  t   t    e   r  i ng and sh a ki  ng and s  h   i    e    i  n  g out of control. there s a storm building. hidden. boiling and itching n crawlingg              v       
                                                                   beneath the skin
                                                                                      like insecrts. eating you from the inside out. flesh eaters. some humans are flesh eaters too. they eat away. wearing you out. down. crippling. until you feel like youre gon ig to hear an echo when you talk. bouncing off your ribcage into the exxpance of nothing that

                                only gets

       "...Why did he do it?"
                                  worse        
                         "The Author never snapped
                                                     the leash like that on me before....
                                             did he think I was just
                                going to roll over
                                              and play dead?"
                                       rattle
                                 rattle 
                           rattle
                      screeches and 
                                        groans
                             clawing cries of 
                                    timber
                           and nails

                    it's all coming apart, isn't it?
 
                                 "He threatened me.
        He threatened my family.
                     He had to know how I'd react.
                                   It's not like I was a faceless file.
                                         It's not like
                                                   he didn't know me.
                                                                I was brought into his office several times.
                                                                                     I thought, of all the Highest,
                                                                   The Author would understand.
                                                 Let me do things my way.                                     
                               The Other Highest
                                            never approved of me.
                                                        My attitude.
                                    But The Author was different.
                                                            Least I thought he was.
                I didn't mean for things to go this far but...
                        I couldn't
         let it happen.
                   I couldn't let him
                                   HURT them.
                                              You understand,
                                                                     don't you...?"

                                                                                              pounding. slitting. blistering my skull my m ind theres flashes and twisted of images one on top of the other amonst the RED and white like the stains on Alex's sheets when I
                                                      s
                                                          w
                                                               u
                                                                    n
                                                                         g
                                                                                     and it went thud. then nothing. just dead eyes and red on white on red on...
                                                    but Jo is here. Jo understands. he has always understood me. always known what i was thinking. what i was feeling. he's always been there for me. he's my friend. my closest friend. i can 
                                               t rust
                                                                                     him
               
"Of course, I do.                                     
But, of course,                          
I can't help but feel responsible                        
for this whole mess                                     
                in the first place.                        
However, what use is there to me                                      
blaming the monster                           
that's truly at fault?                
I suppose that's in the past now.           
You forget, Sam,                                              
that this all could have been                                     
a product of...                                         
careful misdirection.                    
The product of the Devil                                      
whispering in your ear.                                                     
                     Or someone else's,                                          
 for that matter.                                                            
I have never been a gambling man,                                                    
 you know that.                                                                     
But a bet against the                                               
 Crimson King                                                               
having his grubby fingers                                                            
where they did not belong                                       
 is a stupid bet indeed.                
You know how he is, Sam.                                  
What he can do.                                                             
For all we know,                                               
the entire situation                                  
was just misinformation             
built upon                          
 a foundation                                   
of lies."                                                 
                                               "I... suppose
                                                        it's possible that
                                        The Author was mislead somehow?
                            I don't know what to think.
                 Everything just seems so...
                                 complicated lately.
       So very complicated..."
                                        "As if it wasn't                                          
complicated enough before."        
 such a kind smile                                        
such a welcome                                                        
contrast                                              
to the blistering storm outside                          
"But you've never really been one                                       
to give up, have you?                                              
Not with Alex or Leo                     
and certainly not now."                               
        "...I kknow that he...
                              isn't dead.
                                     He can't be dead.
                                               There's no possibl e way.
                        Valtiel claims he is...
                                but one can hardly trust
                                                      a snake tongue,
                                                riight...?"
"Yes, I'd be inclined                                                  
to agree with you.                                       
If not The Tree,                            
what has our Red Friend                                  
 even been killed by?                                                     
No, he's probably taking                                
his sweet time                                                           
dismantling all semblance                                 
of order we used to have.             
It's disgusting, isn't it?                          
How quickly he turns    
to chaos as a solution             
to a question                                    
that nobody is asking...."                  
 
he suddenly turns to me                                                      
puzzled                                       

"But here's                                        
the real problem, Sam.             
What if it wasn't Author                        
 who was misled...?"                                          
                                         my stomach 
                                                  gives a twist
                                              "I...
                                                  ...I... suppose it's possible? 
                                    I am merely
                                                   humann. 
                                            As capable of being 
                                                deceived as
                                                    an yone. 
                                          But how?
                            In what way? 
                 Those Proxies had come for me.
                              They had 
            an arrest warrant for me 
issued by The Author. 
                    They tortured me. 
                            They were trying to find out 
                                  where they were.
                        Alex and Leo. 
               I couldn't 
    tell them that. 
                  I couldn't...!"

              pound
                      and pound
                                   and pound
                                             and CLAWING at ny s skull
                                                       mmy EYE
                                           ny e ye iis B BURNNING 
                               "...then tthat...
                   ...sna ke came... 
                             and made everything 
              a million times 
         worse.
                   Just 
                       Amber 
                              Eyed 
                                   Snakes... 
                                            the bboth 
                                of them..."
"It's interesting                   
that you use 'Snake' to                           
describe one,                              
and 'The Devil' to                                         
describe the other.                                                           
You've got to wonder                                         
 if maybe you've got it                      
the wrong way around.        
Think, Sam!                                   
Why would your subconscious mind               
make that association                                                   
between the two of them? "                        
                                speechless
                  i'm speechless
    I don't know whattt 
             it never
                      it never made sense
              i know that
                 i had always known that
                         so little of it all
        actually made sense
             but it split my 
                                skull  
                                     to even ju
    "What are you missing?                                            
If...                                                           
no                                                      
when they tortured you,                                
were they really looking              
 for something                                        
so simple?"                       
                              hammering
                                            beating
                                                      BURNING
                                                  my mind
                                         to even...
                             why had The Author singled me out?
                                     why had he issued a warrent
                                            instead of just...
                                                       asking me to come in?
                                                why had it all
                    spooked him so much?
                                        why had it been put
                                on such top priority
                                                  when t here were so much
                                                             bigger
                                                                   things
                                            to wworry about?
                               i t nnever mad e sen
"...You can't trust anyone, Sam.
You can't trust me.                               
 You can't trust Redlight.                                       
 And you sure as Hell                                                        
can't trust yourself.                                          

What are you doing?                          

 being satisfied                                            

in a bed of lies?                                                      


This isn't like you!"
  

                                            theres a 
                                    suddden
                                              FLASH                                  
                               a glimpse
                    a shadow
       an impression
                        of somethi ng
                                      that felt

                                   true

                                                  "The Author...
                                                        said...
                                              that he
                                     couldn't
                                                 help me...?"

                                          
                               it diidn't
                         add
                      up

                                "...help me
                                              with
                                                    what...?
                                      It doesn't make any
                                           SENSE!"

                          the t orture had been 
                                                      exxperimen tal
                                                                     buy whyy?
                                                           why bother go to that
                                                   lengt?h
                                                           why isolatem e
                                                                        from the other prsioners?
                                                                   why take
                                                  so m many precautions?
                              why had there been sso
                                                               MANY
                                                      involved?
                                          too mmuch
                                 to many
                       m any 
                             questions
                                          "I can't think!
                                  I can't THINK
                                           pastt
                          this damn headache!"
                 im ppacing again
                                  back
                                            and
                                                      forth
                                            and
                                  forth
                                            and
                                                    back
                                 stirring dust
                        on the
                                 splitting
                                             Cafe
                                                     floor 

                                               "it just wwon't STOP! 
                   What couldn't The Author
                                                     help me with? 
                                    Why is so much focused on me? 
                                         First Red, 
                                               then The Author, 
                                  now Valtiel... 
                                                     or Valtiels, rather... 
                                                         why?
                                                                 WHY?!
                                                Things don't get
                                        this complicated. 
                                                    Not THIS complicated! 
                              I'm NOTHING! 
                                                 I'm a Servant!
                 A damn high school teacher
 for the love of God..."
"I know it's hard."
 he sounds      
so much mor e                    
distant now             
as if he was                                
 so far away              
 
"But you're running out of time, Sam.
 You've made a terrible mistake...                         
 in assuming                                    
that your memories                
could be trusted.                                         
 I wouldn't feel too badly about it.   
You're human,                        
and that's all you can be. 
To expect yourself                      
to have questioned                                          
 your recollections sooner                
 is a waste of time.                   
But that doesn't mean                             
you can keep pretending    
you aren't nnoticing the                        
cra                                               
cks."                                       
he swallows                     
seemingly finding it 
hard to continue                              
                                                                        even as i
                       slowly come to a halt from my
                          p       c       n
                              a       i         ggg
              myy gaunt lett
                  l
                    e 
                       aning against a 
                              support
                                   b
                                   e
                                   a
                                   m 
                my head pulsing with each
                         word I hheard
 "Just iggnore                                              
the headache for a s econd.              
 Doesn't this all seem too...                                
convenient?                                                   
The minute you'd want                                                
revenge on The Devil,                                                              
a new Snake shows up...                                          
 for what?                           
I'm going                                     
to be frank here,                                           
Sam,                                        
please forgive me,                                 
but you're nothing special.                                        
 You're right;    
 you shouldn't have attracted                                
 any attention whatsoever."    

he grimaces,                            
 holding his own head,                                   
fingers gripping tight enough
 to turn their tips                
pure white.                                    

  "So what                                              
could have                                                    
possibly happened                         
that would suddenly                                 
make you                                                          
a person of interest...?"
                          a siic knesss
                ch u rni n g
          in                                   side
                                        a Fear 
                                    b
                                e
                           n                    N
                       e                   I
                    athe           A
                          the  P
               What ccan i
                                 t trust
                        if not my own 
                mindd?
                    m y own
                             memmories?
                                     when did things 
                                          start
                                        to stop 
                       making sense? 
                                  "...Redlight disappeared. 
                                                      He disappeared and... 
                            there was suddenly this
                                       tornado
                                                that replaced him..." 

                                     i feel
                                            so weak
                                 i want to sit down
                          i nee
                                  d to si

                                       "DDid... 
                                                Au
                                                     thor think... 
                       I knew wh where he wwas? 
                                     What he was... 
                                                             ddoing?"
"EExcell                                                            
ent."                                                   
he panted                                       
 just the same as mme                               
a mirror                                              
of thepain                                    
 and                               
exhuastion              
       i felt gnawing away                       
inside                                       
"What would that                                      
 have to do with                    
'helping you',                                     
 however?                         
Author is a straightforward man.              
He wouldn't say                                                  
anything he didn't-"                  

he's cut off                      
by another                                  
s                                          
t                                      
a                                  
b                              
of pain                     
shooting                           
splitting                                   
burning                                           
through his skull,                      
a silent whimper         
on the edge of his breath.  
                                                 I sta
                                                        gg
                                                             er
                                         grabbing hold
                            of the b
                                      e
                                      a
                                      m
                                 to support me
                    as i fight against
           the sudden    S
                                P
                                I
                               K
                               E
                   B O L T I N G
              through 
                         my
                              skull
                         out
                    my
              EYE 
      everything
               spinning
                       sw     in
                             ay    gg
                                      barely
                                            standing
                                                     stomach
                                                         t
                                                    w
                                                             i
                                            s
                                t
                   i
                                        n 
                            g

                      "arre yyoou... aallright? 
                                                 My ffriiend...?
                                                                  WWinston...?" 
 "-mean."               
he finally finishes         
straining.
 "I'm fine.        
Everything's going t                  
o be           
okay               
as long as we                   
keep                            
going.                  
 eeven a ssuming                          
 Author's comment         
meant nothing,
why wouldn't Leo                
have been used                                    
 to control you before this?           
The information                    
was not that hard to find.                             
 Children lleave                                                     
paper trails,                                     
 no matter what.              
Someone who knew what to look for          
 could have found the signs."                                     
he's shaking                                    
so                                          
badly                                
just                          
                           like me 
"Unless                               
 they hit a dead                     
end, Sam.            
Unless there was nothing                       
more                               
 to                                       
 look                                          
for."                                                
                                               I shook my head. 
                                         Slightly 
                                                 at first
                               then a touch more firm. 

                                     Or is 'desperate' a better word?

                                             "No, they... 
                           they wouldn't
                                       have known. 
           They couldn't have known.
I didn't give my name.
                Not my real one.
                           'Freeman' is a lie.
                    My favorite
               actor.
         Nothing more.
                    Leo... 
                            was protected. 
                I kept him safe. 
                                 That was always
                                                  top priority. 
                                                                Always. 
                                                         He stayed safe. 
                                                   He..."

                                    a sickening feeling
                   stirred in my stomach. 
                         this i wrong. 
                                       this is 
                                    so
                               so 
                            wrong...

         "...he was my little boy.
   he was so young...
                why...
                       would they
                                have even looked?
                                          You said it yourself. 


                        I'm nothing special. 


              I wasn't even

                                 trained.

                      I'm not..."









"... Sam.                                                 











                       
Why did you use past tense?"














                     "I...


                                   I didn't.



        I'm sorry, that
             
                                       was... an aaccident




                I mmeant...

                                 
                                   
                                                                          i meanntt...




                                                                                                                                          it...



                     it was...


                                                                                                      an accident....




                                                             a....



                     ....no...


          no, it's not possible.

                                  it's not!

                    I held him!


                                       I HELD HIM!


                            I was WITH him!

             He remembered me,
                                          Winston
                                 He said he'd missed me!
                                                  He wanted to come home!
                                                           He...!

                                                  He...


                                 my bboy...


                    mmy..."


                                    it huurts


             it all hu

                         rts so mu cch


                                               "....Wiins
                                                              tton.....?


                               whattss
                   hhappennig
                                       t to
                                              m ee...?




"Leo's dead."                                               
 
voice like a quiet breeze                                    
 in the stagnant air                           
of the cafe.                                                

No, it's a bar, isn't it...?                                            
 
"Two years ago,                                                             
he ran out into the road                                        
and was mowed down                                                          
 by someone minding                                                
 their own business.                                

Nobody was at fault.                                            

His foster parents                                              
 were inconsolable.                         
Fate dealt him a cruel hand.                 
Declared dead at the scene.                                           
 Just another dead deer                                 
at the side of the road.            
A statistic.                                     
 A tragedy.                

That's what's going on, Sam.                         



You're living a LIE!"






                                "...nno.

   


                                                                      N-NO!

                         
                    youre wwrog!




                                             Leo...
                                                                                               Leeo w-was pplay
                                                                                                                             ing


                                                                            i ssaw him

                   i i s aw mmy
                                            booy
     
                                                                                                            i...
                                 he....


            
                                                                 he rran
                                                                                t o me"


                               sha kki n g 
                 
                                                                                                                 i

                                                               evve rythiing 
                                                                                        jjust...



                           i could f eel the bblood

                                                           from my nails
                                                       
                                                                                                              gr                  sk
                                                                                                                 ipping my      u
                                                                                                                                          ll
                                                                          
                                                                                              i
                                                                              w
                                                                                   a
                                                                                       n
                                                                                           t
                                                               t
                                                           o                                                  R
                                                                                                                    I
                                                                                                                       P

                                                                               i
                                                                               t

                                   f
                                     r                                                   
                                         o                                                                               m
                                             m                                                                     y
  
                                   
F    -    L    -    E    -    S    -    H




its wrong


its lies


its not REAL



GETITOUTOFME




                                 
                          "GGodd
                           
                                                 nno

                                                                                                           I
                                                                                                                 hhad
                                                                                                                            hiim.



                           I...        
             


                                                                 ...sstop it...




                                                                                                                           ...stop it.










S          T          O          P                     I          T     !!!"











"...Let me tell you a story, Sam.                                       
A Proxy goes                               
 to their only friend         
on a dark and stormy night.                  
The Proxy's friend says that its important.                                  
That the Proxy has been acting...                                                           

strange.                                                

 Tell me..."                                                          


his voice sounds                                                
so                                                      
strange                                                        
but                                                  

familiar...?                                    

"What did your friend show you that night?


What could have possibly                                    
been so important?"                    
     a shudder passed
                       t h r o u g h  me
                r at tlin g  me
                            ra tt ling  like  the  roof
                                           the walls
                                               the floor
                                   the world
                                                 pulling 
                           from its base
                                                     coming 
                                                                   l
                                                                     o 
                                                                        o 
                                                                           s 
                                                                              e




                                       falling apart, don't you mean?






                   . "....hiis...


                                                                     dde
                                                                            ath


                                                                                                                 c-certi
                                                                                                                              ficate...




                                          his....



                                                                                                oh God




                      God


                        
                                                                     pplease noo





                                  mm y
                                                boy
                                                  



                                                                                                              he wwas j ust aa
                                                                                                                                         BOY...!!




                             myy
                 bboy



                                                   mm
                                                            y



                                                                                                bbaby boy..."




 


"You had been acting like he was alive."

that voice keeps twisting. so unlike him.                     
 pacing around me.                                               
circling me                                         
constricting around                                                    
 unforgiving eyes                                                                   
never leaving me                                            
ever                                                  

"So your friend confronted you. Showed you the evidence.               
Said you were delusional.     
Explained that The Author had never sent you into any suicide mission                 
as punishment, but rather because you were the only one that could even come close to handling the job. That your allegiance towards the Red Devil had... changed you. That he was twisting everything around on you and turning his 'Jester' into a real life Fool. And when your friend finally finished talking... when he placed a hand on your shoulder                                                                            

and quietly stated that he would help you through this,                         


help you get your life back...."




                                 i felt the floorboards hit my knees
                the palms of my hands
     everything coming up at me in a rush of movement that 
                                                                               flooded over my mind. plunging me into ice and heat and tearing storms of blood and screams and restraints on my wrists and ankles and chest as i begged the Author to kill me. i didn't want to go back i didn't want to get swallowed by the RED. it choked me until i couldn't breath couldn't think couldn't SEE what was right before my eyes until there were circles of bruises with eyes that never closed. only stared. only stared up at me as my fingers closed tighter around that throat. that throat that pulse that LIFE that is...
                     was...
                                         my best friend... 
         
                                                                                                                and i did'nt stop

                                               

                      
until it did









"...I killed him."








           


                                  all lies






                                                                                                           all been nothing 
                                                                                                                                        but
                                                                                                                                                lies
           
                                                           everything






                                                                                                              is

             
                                      RED








                                                                                          s p ll in t e  r i ng    in tto





                       s moth  er
                                       ing  overr






                                                                       in
                                                                          fect
                                                                               i
                                                                               n
                                                                               g







                                                                                                           inF   ESTii ng







                         evretihng











                                                                                       EVVERYTHING





                                          jusst REDD



                                   RED
 

                      RED


        RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED


RED



RED




RED





RED






RED







RED









no










RED












NO
















            NO GETOUTT






















                                  GGET OUT






















GETOUTOFMYHEAD!!!!